Il perdono come superamento della ferita narcisistica.

perdono

La possibilità di lasciarsi andare alla relazione, di entrare nella dimensione relazionale, è un’esperienza che implica l’uscire fuori dalla propria individualità narcisistica, senza tale passaggio non è possibile l’accesso dall’Io al Noi.
Ci sembra interessante in questa sede, potere dedicare un breve spazio all’esperienza narcisistica in senso lato, in quanto ci offre l’opportunità di guardare al campo relazionale che la contraddistingue e che, nella misura in cui, resta modalità predominante e rigida nell’incontro con l’Altro, impedisce l’intimità, la vicinanza e il contatto pieno.
In PdG parliamo di “narcisismo” in termini di vuoto relazionale che porta l’organismo all’incapacità di fidarsi e di affidarsi pienamente all’ambiente. Tutto questo ha radici profonde e si origina a partire dall’esperienza originaria che il bambino fa con la madre.
La madre del narcisista è una madre “piccola” (tra l’altro non sostenuta nel qui-e-ora dal proprio partner) e nel rapporto col proprio figlio, si fa guidare dai propri bisogni “irrisolti” piuttosto che da quelli del bambino. Questi, se vuole conservare il sorriso della madre e quegli occhi che lo guardano con la luce dell’amore e dell’ammirazione, dovrà rispondere al sogno della madre, comportarsi come lei desidera e negare progressivamente i propri bisogni di bambino in crescita. Il bambino viene investito di una grande responsabilità e di grandi attese. Il narcisista è stato un bambino obbediente e ha sempre cercato di non arrecare dispiacere ai genitori. Nella genesi relazionale di quella che sarà poi la persona “centrata sulla propria immagine” c’è stata una scelta di grande altruismo e generosità: il sacrificio di parti di sé davanti alle attese della madre o del caregiver.
Ma purtroppo tutto ciò ha un costo: egli ha smesso di essere spontaneo, di avere familiarità con il suo vero sé (sa chi dovrebbe essere ma non sa chi è!) che, in tal modo, rimane misterioso: egli non sa chi è ed ha dentro un senso di vuoto. Si sviluppa così un falso sé, la sensazione di essere un bluff e una certa facilità al sentimento dell’umiliazione da cui egli si difende attraverso la sua grandiosità.
L’essere rimasto agganciato al sé ideale, lo porta ad essere ‘grandioso’, sentimento non supportato dalla percezione del sé reale e finalizzato a negare l’umiliazione di non essere in contatto con se stesso (la grandiosità è di fatto una difesa!). Nell’esperienza narcisistica c’è dunque l’esperienza del ‘non essere visti’ se non nella misura in cui bisogna essere in un certo modo.
Questa storia di ‘amore sacrificato’ rimarrà nel cuore del bambino, anche quando sarà cresciuto e ciò lo porterà ad una ossessiva ricerca di quello sguardo d’amore nel quale egli si riconosce ed ha l’illusione di ritrovare se stesso. Conseguenza di ciò è che, nell’esperienza narcisistica, l’Altro è vissuto come uno specchio che rimanda e conferma l’immagine di sè per cui sperimentare il contatto pieno nella relazione con gli altri, diventa un’impresa ardua o perfino impossibile. Anche nei rapporti affettivi, dopo la fase dello stupore e della seduzione, il narcisista sentirà il peso del quotidiano (percepito come banale) e la paura di dover ancora una volta sacrificare se stesso, per cui si sentirà soffocato da ogni richiesta. Il narcisista ha un intuito pazzesco per capire cosa vuole l’altro; da bambino sviluppa una pre-comprensione dell’altro e questa costituisce l’anticamera della non fiducia nell’altro. Neppure nella relazione affettiva avrà fiducia: l’altro verrà percepito piccolo e incapace di contenerlo, perciò quando avvertirà il dissenso, o non lo esprimerà (sottraendosi alla relazione) o l’esprimerà con disprezzo e rifiuto dell’altro. Il narcisista ha difficoltà di stare nei legami, non di entrarci: egli si innamora quando si sente visto perché rivive l’illusione di ritrovare il suo vero sé, ma al minimo conflitto in cui l’altro fa delle richieste per sé, ritorna al vecchio schema del sé ideale: “Tu mi vuoi per i tuoi scopi”.
Il cammino di maturazione e di rinascita che il narcisista sarà chiamato a fare se si renderà disponibile a questo, sarà per lui una grande occasione per uscire dalla nuvola delle apparenze per scoprire, da una parte, il “vero sé” e, dall’altra, il territorio inesplorato dei genuini rapporti umani, nei quali è possibile sperimentare accettazione incondizionata e calore. Imparerà ad esprimere la rabbia e il dolore per non essersi sentito amato in modo incondizionato e per aver sacrificato troppo presto una parte di sé. Conoscerà lentamente una tristezza nuova accompagnata da un profondo senso d’integrità, di pace con se stesso: una tristezza molto diversa da quella depressiva che sperimentava alla chiusura dei sipari e al termine degli applausi.
Ritroverà, dice A. Lowen, la pienezza del ‘corpo vissuto’ dopo essersi fissato per molto tempo sul ‘corpo immagine’. Sentirà la forza e la fecondità di esperienze che ha sempre cercato di evitare: la fragilità, la tristezza, il non essere (né lui, né il suo gruppo, né la sua opera) migliore degli altri ma “come” gli altri, l’imbarazzo di entrare in contatto con parti infantili di sé, l’umile mettersi in discussione, il gusto del ritirarsi, l’accogliere il rifiuto senza deprimersi e il consenso senza esaltarsi, il condividere le proprie difficoltà con gli altri, il fidarsi dell’ambiente. I suoi occhi si apriranno e scoprirà la bellezza di coloro che prima percepiva “brutti”: gli umili, i deboli, gli incapaci, i falliti. Solo così potrà abbandonare il sogno-a-due del quale era prigioniero, per costruire insieme agli altri il sogno della compagnia degli uomini accogliendo e condividendo limiti e grandezze dell’esistenza nella gratitudine e nel confronto, nella tenerezza e nell’umiltà.

Tratto dalla Tesi di Specializzazione in Psicoterapia della Gestalt
“La danza relazionale nell’esperienza risanatrice del perdono”
Dr.ssa Milena Dell’Aquila, 2014

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292 thoughts on “Il perdono come superamento della ferita narcisistica.

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  8. Anthonyrar says:

    Inter Rapid Wien live score (and video online live stream*) starts on 21.2.2019. at 20:00 UTC time at San Siro/Giuseppe Meazza stadium, Milan, Italy in UEFA Europa League, Knockout stage – Europe. Here on SofaScore livescore you can find all Inter vs Rapid Wien previous results sorted by their H2H matches. Links to Inter vs. Rapid Wien video highlights are collected in the Media tab for the most popular matches as soon as video appear on video hosting sites like Youtube or Dailymotion. We’re not responsible for any video content, please contact video file owners or hosters for any legal complaints tinyurl.

  9. DerekREs says:

    Ernest Quintana, 78, was at Kaiser Permanente Medical Center in Fremont when a doctor – appearing on the robot’s screen – informed him that he would die within a few days.

    A family friend wrote on social media that it was “not the way to show value and compassion to a patient“.

    The hospital says it “regrets falling short” of the family’s expectations.

    Mr Quintana died the next day.

  10. DerekREs says:

    Ernest Quintana, 78, was at Kaiser Permanente Medical Center in Fremont when a doctor – appearing on the robot’s screen – informed him that he would die within a few days.

    A family friend wrote on social media that it was “not the way to show value and compassion to a patient“.

    The hospital says it “regrets falling short” of the family’s expectations.

    Mr Quintana died the next day.

  11. Theresa May says she has secured “legally binding” changes to her Brexit deal, a day ahead of MPs voting on it.

    But European Commission President Jean-Claude Juncker” warned if the deal was voted down there was “no third chance”.

    They spoke at a joint press conference in Strasbourg after a late meeting.

  12. Theresa May says she has secured “legally binding” changes to her Brexit deal, a day ahead of MPs voting on it.

    But European Commission President Jean-Claude Juncker” warned if the deal was voted down there was “no third chance”.

    They spoke at a joint press conference in Strasbourg after a late meeting.

  13. These three figures — William Rick Singer, Mark Riddell and Rudolph Meredith, respectively — are at the center of the nationwide scandal in which 33 parents are accused of using their wealth and means to help their children game the college admissions system.
    But those three names do not appear anywhere in the complaint text, though the document gives enough clues to make clear who is who. Instead, they are named as Cooperating Witness 1, 2 and 3, and each agreed to plead guilty and to cooperate with the government in the hope of obtaining leniency when they are sentenced, the complaint says.

  14. These three figures — William Rick Singer, Mark Riddell and Rudolph Meredith, respectively — are at the center of the nationwide scandal in which 33 parents are accused of using their wealth and means to help their children game the college admissions system.
    But those three names do not appear anywhere in the complaint text, though the document gives enough clues to make clear who is who. Instead, they are named as Cooperating Witness 1, 2 and 3, and each agreed to plead guilty and to cooperate with the government in the hope of obtaining leniency when they are sentenced, the complaint says.

  15. Trump was surrounded at Friday’s event by officials from Customs and Border Protection as well as surviving family members of those who have loved ones killed by undocumented immigrants. Attorney General William Barr was also at the President’s veto event.
    While some lawmakers including some Republicans — have argued against the President’s use of national emergency powers in this instance, the Justice Department set forth a robust defense of the President’s authority to do so in a letter to Senate Majority Leader Mitch McConnell earlier this month, according to a copy obtained by CNN on Friday.
    “The President acted well within his discretion in declaring a national emergency concerning the southern border,” wrote Assistant Attorney General Stephen Boyd, setting out the legal basis for the proclamation under the National Emergencies Act and additional statutory authorities, which largely tracks an internal memo issued by the Office of Legal Counsel at the Justice Department.

  16. Trump was surrounded at Friday’s event by officials from Customs and Border Protection as well as surviving family members of those who have loved ones killed by undocumented immigrants. Attorney General William Barr was also at the President’s veto event.
    While some lawmakers including some Republicans — have argued against the President’s use of national emergency powers in this instance, the Justice Department set forth a robust defense of the President’s authority to do so in a letter to Senate Majority Leader Mitch McConnell earlier this month, according to a copy obtained by CNN on Friday.
    “The President acted well within his discretion in declaring a national emergency concerning the southern border,” wrote Assistant Attorney General Stephen Boyd, setting out the legal basis for the proclamation under the National Emergencies Act and additional statutory authorities, which largely tracks an internal memo issued by the Office of Legal Counsel at the Justice Department.

  17. Christina was born in the royal castle Tre Kronor on 18 December [O.S. 8 December] 1626. Her parents were the Swedish king Gustavus Adolphus and his German wife, Maria Eleonora, had already had two daughters—a stillborn princess in 1620, and then the first Princess Christina, who was born in 1623 and died the following year.[note 3] Excited expectation surrounded Maria Eleonora’s third pregnancy in 1626. When the baby was born, it was first thought to be a boy as it was “hairy” and screamed “with a strong, hoarse voice.”she later wrote in her autobiography that, “Deep embarrassment spread among the women when they discovered their mistake.” The king, though, was very happy, stating, “She’ll be clever, she has made fools of us all!”[16] From most accounts, Gustav Adolf appears to have been closely attached to his daughter, and she appears to have admired him greatly.

  18. Christina was born in the royal castle Tre Kronor on 18 December [O.S. 8 December] 1626. Her parents were the Swedish king Gustavus Adolphus and his German wife, Maria Eleonora, had already had two daughters—a stillborn princess in 1620, and then the first Princess Christina, who was born in 1623 and died the following year.[note 3] Excited expectation surrounded Maria Eleonora’s third pregnancy in 1626. When the baby was born, it was first thought to be a boy as it was “hairy” and screamed “with a strong, hoarse voice.”she later wrote in her autobiography that, “Deep embarrassment spread among the women when they discovered their mistake.” The king, though, was very happy, stating, “She’ll be clever, she has made fools of us all!”[16] From most accounts, Gustav Adolf appears to have been closely attached to his daughter, and she appears to have admired him greatly.

  19. A court has ruled that the building is illegal, and the €57 million ($64 million) Chateau Diter will now have to be knocked down.
    Property developer Pierre Diter, who owns the chateau in the town of Grasse, in Southern France, has 18 months to raze the building and faces a fine of €200,000 ($226,000), Pierre-Jean Gaury, attorney general at the court of appeal in Aix-en-Provence, told CNN.
    “Patrick Diter was accused of having executed important works on a land without authorization,” said Gaury.

  20. A court has ruled that the building is illegal, and the €57 million ($64 million) Chateau Diter will now have to be knocked down.
    Property developer Pierre Diter, who owns the chateau in the town of Grasse, in Southern France, has 18 months to raze the building and faces a fine of €200,000 ($226,000), Pierre-Jean Gaury, attorney general at the court of appeal in Aix-en-Provence, told CNN.
    “Patrick Diter was accused of having executed important works on a land without authorization,” said Gaury.

  21. Despite residing in Germany for nearly 30 years, there are still some things I cannot wrap my mind around. I may have married a German, pay German taxes, and have German(-American) children, but I guess my US mentality still shines through.

    Like when it comes to personal space. I’ll be standing in the supermarket, in front of a shelf full of products, deliberating over the selection, and inevitably a hand will slip itself in front of my face and grab an item from the row. Many Germans seem to not have any qualms about this at all, but it still takes me aback sometimes.

  22. Despite residing in Germany for nearly 30 years, there are still some things I cannot wrap my mind around. I may have married a German, pay German taxes, and have German(-American) children, but I guess my US mentality still shines through.

    Like when it comes to personal space. I’ll be standing in the supermarket, in front of a shelf full of products, deliberating over the selection, and inevitably a hand will slip itself in front of my face and grab an item from the row. Many Germans seem to not have any qualms about this at all, but it still takes me aback sometimes.

  23. French President Emmanuel Macron has appointed a panel of experts to investigate France’s actions during the Rwandan genocide 25 years ago on April 7.

    Macron has also met representatives of a group of survivors in. Paris

  24. French President Emmanuel Macron has appointed a panel of experts to investigate France’s actions during the Rwandan genocide 25 years ago on April 7.

    Macron has also met representatives of a group of survivors in. Paris

  25. Ryska militarfartyg kommer till Filippinerna samtidigt som spanningen okar kring Sydkinesiska sjon. Men framfor allt expanderar nu Kina langt us i Stilla havet. Det vacker oro i USA eftersom Kina anses hota de amerikanska ubatar som ar helt avgorande vid en konflikt.

  26. Ryska militarfartyg kommer till Filippinerna samtidigt som spanningen okar kring Sydkinesiska sjon. Men framfor allt expanderar nu Kina langt us i Stilla havet. Det vacker oro i USA eftersom Kina anses hota de amerikanska ubatar som ar helt avgorande vid en konflikt.

  27. The Portuguese road Prevention agency (PRP) has this week called for more and improved traffic stops in Portugal. The agency has also deemed current actions by law enforcement officials as ineffective in dealing with the majority of serious traffic offences.

  28. The Portuguese road Prevention agency (PRP) has this week called for more and improved traffic stops in Portugal. The agency has also deemed current actions by law enforcement officials as ineffective in dealing with the majority of serious traffic offences.

  29. The series of conversations with the Warsaw Ghetto survivors was conducted to commemorate the 76 th anniversary of the outbreak of the Warsaw Ghetto Uprising that falls on the 19th of April.

  30. The series of conversations with the Warsaw Ghetto survivors was conducted to commemorate the 76 th anniversary of the outbreak of the Warsaw Ghetto Uprising that falls on the 19th of April.

  31. text messaging, or texting, is the act of composing and sending electronic messages, typically consisting of alphabetic and numeric characters, between two or more users of mobile devices, desktops/laptops, or other type of compatible computer.

  32. text messaging, or texting, is the act of composing and sending electronic messages, typically consisting of alphabetic and numeric characters, between two or more users of mobile devices, desktops/laptops, or other type of compatible computer.

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  48. Robertskify says:

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  91. Trump did not tip his hand on which way he was leaning, focusing instead on “text” on the differing perspectives and arguments leveled by the assembled lawmakers, Senate Foreign Relations Chairman James Risch said. But it was clear, the Idaho Republican said, that Trump is a president who “doesn’t want to go to war.”

  92. Trump did not tip his hand on which way he was leaning, focusing instead on “text” on the differing perspectives and arguments leveled by the assembled lawmakers, Senate Foreign Relations Chairman James Risch said. But it was clear, the Idaho Republican said, that Trump is a president who “doesn’t want to go to war.”

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  97. Lionel Messi has declared that “another Copa begins now” for Argentina after seeing them scrape their way into the quarter-finals.

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